What's FOBO and what can you do about it • There be dragons 🐉 (VIDEO) • Solutions vs Support

What's FOBO and what can you do about it • There be dragons 🐉 (VIDEO) • Solutions vs Support
Photo by Richard Horvath
  1. FOBO and what can you do about it?
  2. There be dragons 🐉 (VIDEO)
  3. Solutions vs Support

Thing 1 - FOBO and what can you do about it?

You felt FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) when you went to a party you knew was gonna be lame... "But what if it's not?"

Narrator: It was.

Fear Of Better Options

  • If you research things to death before doing something
  • If you make decisions much later than you planned
  • If you feel stressed because you should be doing something else instead
  • If you can't commit to your goals publically, so you wouldn't be forced to stick to them in case something better comes along

That's FOBO.

And it doesn't go away when you make the decision. FOBO sticks around and makes you regret your decisions.

The more important the decision, the more intense the FOBO.

OMG, that's so me!

I hear you.

Here's what can help

1) Become aware when you're experiencing FOBO

You can't fix things you don't know are broken. Notice when you're sweating what you're gonna eat, wear, and similar...

2) Hack small decision making

Flip a coin. Throw a dice. You can ask Google for a number between 1 and how many choices you have.

You spend most time deciding between choices that have minimal difference. If the difference were bigger, the choice would be more obvious and you wouldn't have to spend so much time deciding.

Outsource small decisions to the universe.

3) Use a decision framework

You don't want to leave some life decisions to a coin flip? Ok, fine.

Anne-Laure uses the DECIDE framework:

  • Determine the problem
  • Establish the criteria
  • Consider alternatives (perhaps have a time limit?)
  • Identify the choice
  • Develop a plan of action
  • Evaluate the solution

Not making a decision can be worse than making a sub-optimal one and adapting as you start executing.

(source 1, source 2)

Thing 2 - There be dragons 🐉 (VIDEO)

But little cute ones, not the big scary ones.

Dragons are reptile-like creatures with wings and 4 legs that can breathe fire.

Draco lizard

  • Is reptile
  • Has 4 legs
  • Has wings (!)
  • Is called Draco (which is nominative of draconem, which means "dragon" in Latin)

Doesn't breathe fire, but you could feed it something spicy? (Maybe it just "forgot" how to?)

Flying Dragons Of The Jungle (2 min)

(source 1, source 2, source 3, source 4)

Thing 3 - Solutions vs Support

When people share their problems, they're not always looking for solutions. They're often seeking support.

Sharing bad news may not make them feel better, but it does bring you closer.

The most basic form of compassion is not alleviating distress. It's acknowledging distress.

- Adam Grant

What Adam is saying doesn't just sound good. It's real. Antje Rauers and Michaela Riediger conducted a study.

Their findings suggest that the main purpose of sharing bad news in relationships isn't to fix the problem. Instead, it might be a stimulant for creating and nourishing relationship closeness.

Does that mean that by offering solutions upon hearing people complain, you're hurting your relationship and pushing people away? 🤔

Till next week!

Cheers, Zvonimir